This is especially true when attempting to make sense of an emotionally abusive partner or ex...
"It is absolutely a normal and necessary part of the process to spend time relaying your past experiences in relation to the narcissist, trying to work through the chronology of events, as well as the progression and demise of the relationship. This is simply our minds natural inclination to want to make sense of all that has happened, to process information and to ascribe meaning to our experience. It is our minds innate mechanism to understand and process our experiences. In the quest for very human and natural sense making, you will likely want to find the clues and the answers to the many questions you may have. This is completely understandable and very much a part of the early stages of recovery. It aids to some extent, coming to terms with narcissistic abuse. It can also be very helpful for us to learn from. We may look back and recognise, in hindsight, the signs and the clues that were there… The snidey comments, the missed dates, the inconsistencies, the ‘hooks’, the lies, the jealousy, the selfishness, the inconsiderations, the ‘gaslighting’ and more… This is all helpful and very much an important part of the recovery process. Many people in the shock and trauma of narcissistic abuse find themselves locked on for hours, days, weeks or months relaying and thinking this through. To some extent this is a normal, expected and an essential part of the process. However, at some point, it is really important to recognise the difficult fact that, in reality, you may never have the answers to all your questions. And the simple reason for this is because:
It is impossible to use logic to try and understand completely illogical actions
Nonsensical behaviour is simply what we have with any narcissist. So whilst it is important and helpful that we try and work through and seek to understand some of our experience in relation to the narcissist - ultimately we begin to come to a point where we start to reconcile that we may never know, or understand, or get the answers to the many questions we are left with..."